I recently received in the mail a copy of Jenni “J-Woww” Farley’s book “The Rules According to JWoww: shore-tested secrets on landing a mint guy, staying fresh to death, and kicking the competition to the curb.” I could tell immediately that it was a fine piece of classic literature because the dust cover opens into a poster of Jenni holding a bouquet of roses and smiling that “Thank you for funding my next boob job” smile. The cover photo makes Jenni look like one of those porn stars in the Sex Ed video in the movie The Girl Next Door. I was pretty excited to read this book. I was expecting pretty much everything I encountered in this book, but I didn’t expect one crucial thing: This book was actually pretty darn good. Jenni has always been my favourite Jersey Shore guidette — she’s tough, savvy, and smart — but I didn’t realize that her personal success was based on her own personal trial and error and not good TV editing.
Written in handy chapters, Jenni’s book covers the sixty essential rules of being a girl: dating, relationships, breaking up, and personal style and hygiene. Some of these rules are great, like rule 25: If it smells like a hookup… it is a hookup, which says “if he’s got an itch, he knows he can call you and you’ll come running to scratch it.” Great advice to those girls who think “maybe this time…” Some of the things she says, however, are somewhat questionable: “All you get from sitting around scrolling websites for love is dimples in your a**.”
Inserted throughout the book are Cosmo-esque tips on things like “What to do if you f*** up your spray tan” and “Five red flags that he’s a control freak.” These tips make great additions to an otherwise solid book.
The only real problem I had with this book was the insertion of the same types of lines over and over: “Don’t do this if you’re under 21.” It seemed strange to me that Jenni would be constantly reminding her readers not to do ninety percent of the things we watch her do, week after week on Jersey Shore. The only explanation for this could be for insurance purposes. In order to cover their behinds, they put a disclaimer in. They may as well have written “If anything happens to you because you were dumb enough to get out of control, don’t come crying to us.”
All-in-all, I enjoyed this book, and I think that if one were to de-Jersey-ify this book, it would be a great guide for anyone hoping to get ahead.
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